Know Thy Audience

Part 6 of Epic Mini-Series: God is Good. Mullets are Bad.

We’re a couple dozen metaphors for hair and corporate governance into this thing, so we already know that the LORD can do what any HR director can’t do: specifically focus on prevention of unintended consequences without losing sight of His overarching, intended Vision.

BUT it bears recognizing that He isn’t just the Author of the Rules and Regs. 

Unlike your mid-level manager with administrative access to the original Company Policy Word-file – GOD is the Author of the audience, too. 

HE MADE THEM. 

He knows the Israelites, inside and out.

He knows who He’s talking to, how they should hear it, and what they need to hear, so they don’t do what they shouldn’t do.   

OR, at very least, be – succinctly and persistently – on The Record for it.

If I want to keep my 4-year-old out of harm’s way, I could sit him down and using a whiteboard and a few textbooks from college, I’d probably:

Start with the industrial application of the principles of thermodynamics and electron distribution flow through high-friction substrates which ultimately result in increased heat within a coil element engineered specifically for the accelerated denaturing of proteins until food is safe for human consumption.

While these coiled devices are set at a general height and depth from the edge that is convenient for the average adult human being to perform general cooking tasks while standing – what makes them comfortably and efficiently positioned for the preparation of food also makes them readily available for human beings just over the age of 3½ to procure, and what you need to know, kiddo, is that one jovially, satisfying, mechanical turn of a plastic knob – and the irony, that these are unfortunately not unlike the knobs I’ve previously provided for you in unrelated toys and constructive learning apparatus, is not lost on me – and rapidly these magical elements will remarkably and curiously change color from drab black to bright orange and actually begin to glow from the inside! 

And you’ll feel warmth on your face as you stare at it because your nose is also 30 inches from the floor and what you may be interested in doing is using all your available senses to explore it further as you ask yourself, what is this wizardry happening inches from me?!

But what’s actually happening is that element which is specifically designed to channel copious amounts of energy to facilitate the literal changing of the physical state of matter from solid to liquid or even liquid to gas has become so inexplicably hot that it will burn your skin irreparably, expose you to the possibility of infection and disability. Scar you – not just physically, but possibly emotionally.

And that’s without going into hospital stays, medications, co-pays and possible investigation by Child-Protective Services for neglect.

I mean, I could say ALL that – run on sentences, and all. 

And maybe he gets it, and MAYBE conceptual understanding is all we need for him to maintain his dexterity and open his own Gogurts from here on out.

But will he get it, really? 

Sometimes – for reasons expeditious or concern for lack of capacity – the why is momentarily off the table and dictating the what takes over to keep a kid from experiencing grievous harm in the moment. 

SO, I just point at the stove and say:

“DO NOT TOUCH.”  

In Leviticus 19 – actually, a significant part of the Pentateuch altogether – even though GOD isn’t talking to toddlers, He IS talking to a relatively naïve group of people – the result of decades of deserted isolation and exclusivity issues – that have ancestrally proven time, and time, and time again: they need to learn the hard way.

Heck, the IRONY OF ALL THIS is the indescribable evils being committed by the very people GOD is warning them about ARE LITERALLY the downstream results of their forefathers’ indiscretions with pagan servant girls. 

So, because of all that’s at stake, the lack of sophistication of His audience, and the savvy of what’s coming against them, GOD knows that His kids need it kept simple, so they don’t get stupid.

God is Good. Mullets are Bad. “Know Thy Audience”  Behold(en), still. Copyright © 2023-25 Behold(en), still.